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Here's my picture for this month

Heres mine ..Just to make the numbers up .

You know the criteria by now......it must be your bike and it must have been taken this month. If you make a submission and then get a better shot later on.....then just submit the new pic and ask for the old one to be deleted! This submissions thread will be open from now until Tuesday evening......at which point the voting thread will then be opened, with voting taking place on Wednesday 29th and Thursday 30th September. The Poll closes 8PM UK time on Thursday, at which point the winner gets their bike displayed on the front page for the duration of October! And a special shout out for @Sir Fallsalot so the thick twat is aware of BOTM. So start placing your entries NOW!

Hardly worth entering with this but it’s the only photo I’ve taken of my bike in September so far. Shame, as I’ll have some better ones when I go to the Sierra Nevada on Thursday

What a nice guy you are. I imagine you riding around the countryside looking for riders who are in need of your assistance and guidance. You need a cape to match the bike, and maybe some cool googles......

I do ride it sometimes!

This is mine, the garage is as far as I've gone this month

I got together with Mr Slowly pretty young and once when he went away for a bit longer than usual I started to wonder what do single girls do? Inexperienced as I was in the variety of solo fun to be had I rifled through his selection of videos for grown ups, broke open the baby oil a started a voyage but the dog was in the garden and would not stop bloody barking. I go out into the garden to get him and the door swings shut behind me. Im now locked outside in only a bathrobe plastered in baby oil. Theres an upstairs window ajar but I have no way of getting to it. I know they leave the keys in the milk floats in the yard half a mile up the lane so I walk barefoot in the dark up the road praying to not see anyone. Its an unlit single track road but it was a full moon so easy enough to see. I score a Honda Acty (hilarious vehicles, if you get a chance to have a go in one please do) and drive to my Dads house to borrow a ladder. By now its about 11.30pm and my Pa is quite far down a bottle of whisky so is oblivious to the fact Ive turned up barefoot in a bathrobe and waxes lyrical about his new carpet for what seemed like an eternity, eventually I interrupt and ask if he's still got any of mums clothes, he finds me a pair of jeans, a short vest and lends me a ladder not even asking why I need it. He's a good dad. I get back and start the window ascent but the ladder is a bit too short so Im now precariously standing on the very top of its folding elbows, I hoick myself upward and lose the ladder and my mums baggy jeans. Somehow this innocent(ish) venture has turned into me hanging out of a window half naked with my shiny arse mooning at the moon. The MOD used to decommission bombs in the Bristol channel and they were not allowed to stop their vehicles. They drove a a constant fast speed directly at you down the lane, it was up to you to get out of their way. Im still dangling out of the window when I hear their powerful sounding engine and sure enough a blacked out Range Rovers was approaching at speed. Well turns out they can stop if they want to. Im not sure exactly how long they sat there looking at this spectacle because for me it seemed to go on forever but they did help me find the strength to scrabble the rest of the way in

Don't know what it is about him but I hate his bloody face and I wish all these conspiracies about are true and he's caught and hanged in public, or something.

I should have asked you to do it with your rattle can

Hah !!! I was doing the same thing Fred

Exactly...................... how many times have we got to tell him

I'll start the ball rolling with mine! Feel free to ignore it though!

The MOD place was passed the Woodspring Priory. They closed it down a long time ago, after they lost their second bomb in the channel. Idiots hadn't secured it properly, and they didn't tell anyone there were bombs loose somewhere in the Channel! One of them washed on the beach and the other was never found. We only know about it because one of the girls used to go down there for a bit of fun and sexed up men are loose lipped The whole house would shake like an earthquake was going on and the electricity would dip out but it was great to watch the water flying miles into the air. I don't know how they got away with blowing things up there for as long as they did considering its the main drag into the docks. Here you go https://www.somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-news/ministry-defence-explosives-test-site-5588427

Probably down at the MOD place

Here you go. I don’t think it makes it any better though?

@Slowlycatchymonkey your story reminded me of this one that happened to me. I was working in London in 2011 and out on the pop almost every night and used to get in a hell of a state. One night i got up for a piss and when i walked through the bathroom door in my room i found myself in the corridor totally nude and the door slammed shut behind me there was nothing i could grab to cover my embarrassment other than my hands and ended up having to go to the reception 3 floors down to get a spare key A few weeks later in the same hotel the fire alarm goes off i get up pissed again goes to the corridor for a quick look and bang door shuts on me again except this time every fuckers evacuating the hotel and i'm there bollock naked with lots of people staring, i ended up having to get a towel off the same receptionist and standing outside in the freezing cold for almost an hour until the fire brigade gave the all clear to re-enter the building my junk wasn't the biggest when i went outside but it was a hell of a lot smaller when i went back in damn it was cold Funny thing is the next day i was apologising to the receptionist and she said its no big deal happens all the time

That would nice if the blue bits was grey

Topbox

How many minutes do i have before you close it

I went out for a couple of hours on the XR today met a lad on his first trail ride attempt so i stayed with him for a bit as he was heading in my direction. He was riding one of those Chinese bikes The XR This is the new boy he was brand new just look how shiney he is And because it was a Chinese bike it wasn't long before we were fixing it. Spring broke off the side stand so had to fix it with a cable tie for now Past 3 fuel stations on the route and all 3 were out of fuel i'll have to do a bit of siphoning if i go out on the bike tomorrow

So, whats your local sea level? Under 300 feet on the atlantic y;all will want to watch this.

I did a similar thing in Dudley Leisure Centre in the mid 80's......walked out into the foyer bollocks naked. I was stone cold sober though!

hey look a disappearing top box its magic

My last girlfriend/partner's mother went to Roedean, which during the war was moved to a hotel in Keswick. They still had a school photo with her in it when we visited. Moved back down south after the war.

Unlike the mind of the dude with the top-box

I dunno isn't experimentally exploding stuff a bit like fire- always a bit exciting? Probably even more exciting after a couple of bevvies

To be fair it must have been a fairly boring job. I used to deliver to a site up in Northumberland where they used to fire small rockets and stuff down this long tunnel. It was very remote and they had to keep enough provisions on site for 3 weeks as when it snowed they could be stuck in there for a long time . I never really thought about it at the time but some of those places I used to deliver when we had the Royal Ordnance contract were very interesting.

Im led to believe they were pissed up a lot of the time so lost quite a lot of bombs

The Puriton reference was because I used to go there to collect and deliver ordnance (including TNT) when I was driving . I think the site is flattened now but it used to be huge. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ROF_Bridgwater

So earlier in the year I noticed surface rust on the tank of my Tenere 700. As the bike was still under warranty I took a trip to the dealer and he put a warranty claim straight in. Once the tank and all the small parts arrived I asked the dealer if I could collect the tank and fit it myself as my plan was to have it painted before fitting it. There were two reasons for this, 1. I figured that it would only have the same amount of paint on there as the original , 2. I wanted to change the colour from the manky grey O/E colour. The dealer was fine with that so I went and collected the parts. I am lucky that through work we have an ace painter, he does all our Ducati stuff as well as custom paint jobs on cars. He had done a Yamaha R1 a couple of months before and had found a colour from 'House of Kolor ' that was a great match and had enough left over to do my tank and the little side panels that were also manky grey. I managed to remove the tank from the bike a couple of weeks ago and then after I'd taken it into our workshop our mechanic removed the fuel pump and then it got painted. Old and new side by side............... and one of the small side panels........... On Tuesday my boss brought the finished items round to my house and I fitted it all yesterday. It's time consuming doing it all on one leg but it's not as if I'm doing anything else. Anyway, I'm really chuffed with the paint job and I think it looks much better that the O/E job............ Before ........... and after.............

Any photos?

My second floor toilette is 33 feet high.

Thats just sad. I used to look after the vans of a ground works Co and the amount of times we'd leave them outside, windows open and fans flat out so you could get in the bloody things. Mentioned it to one of the people running the firm and soon after their account was closed by them. Never saw another of their vans.

So as not to keep hijacking Yen's Stories thread I thought that I'd start a kind of parallel thread for people's funny stories. Many of us have been around for a good long time and seen and heard all sorts of funny stuff. So, to lighten the mood, let's hear your stories and anecdotes.

One of the maps I mentioned.

No, not at all, nor did she look like a sausage nosher. Arnold Circus which she is mentioned in helping get restored is the centrepiece of a housing development which took the place of the most deprived and poverty stricken area of London. To help the old locals better their living conditions they moved them all out and flattened a large area. I really mean flattened as well. When I look back through the OS maps for the area a huge section is just white space for a few years. With the rubble from the demolition they built a large mound, planted it up and then put a bandstand on it. They then moved in only new respectable people with good employment records and made them leave if they didn't behave and the old residents were shuffled off to some other slum.

I met this lady a few times between 2015 and 2017 when she sadly passed away. I went to a meeting of residents in an area near Shoreditch to talk about their traffic concerns and it turned into a how can we stop drug dealers and crime in the area etc. This lady had dominated the meeting using nothing but gentle charm. She side lined me afterwards and we spoke about a scheme I wanted to design that might benefit the estate next to her house, but which had no funding available. She had me on side in about 10 minutes, but when I went and spoke to the money people in the office the answer was still no. So I asked if they would meet this lady and tell her that directly to see if her magic would work on them. Sure enough they all came back from the meeting with a glassy stare and chanting, "We must do what Ms Khan says" over and over. So I got my funding and every time I went on site she would come and chat. She showed me where she had designed and built a play area for small children and where they could be seen by their parents from the windows of their flats, she'd had a concrete table tennis table installed next to it, convincing the Olympic people to pay for it, she had plans to rent out the disused underground car park under one block to artists so their presence would put off criminals using them and was getting lighting installed in any dark corners of the estate. She made me laugh when she told me that drunk pub goers occasionally used her drive for a piddle or a dump on their way home. The last time I saw here i was half way through my scheme and she looked tired and made a quiet comment that she hoped she would be around to see it completed. I heard she had died a month or so later. Then this turned up in Spitalfields Life a while after and I finally learnt her story, totally unexpected, I had her down as a posh lady from an old English landed gentry background, the truth couldn't have been more different. https://spitalfieldslife.com/2017/06/09/so-long-naseem-khan-obe/

The odd part is everyone featured in this Mocumentory claim to be Irish.

I was thinking earlier about some of the characters that I've worked with over the years and some of the things they've done or we've done. One story that I remembered had me laughing to myself: In my last company there was an engineer that was originally from South London, but he now lives on the south coast. Frank was in the paratroopers for a while before he had a career change. He was a couple of years older than me. Frank isn't that tall, but he is as broad as he is tall and there doesn't seem to be a discernible neck attaching his shaved head to his body! Anyway, Frank used to occasionally get sent from his home at the seaside to jobs in London, which he absolutely hated. He'd get the train up to the city, get the job done as quickly as possible and head back to his haven. One day he had a job in St Thomas' Hospital on the South Bank, opposite the houses of Parliament. It didn't go well and he was there all day and into the evening. When he left the hospital he was in an absolutely foul mood and tramped back towards Waterloo Station to get the train home. On the walk back he was approached by a young guy who pulled a knife and demanded Frank's wallet. Frank squared up to the youth, glowering at him and snarled "do I look like a fucking victim to you?!!" The lad stared at Frank for a second, with his mouth open, then turned around and ran away! Frank was a lovely guy, but you didn't want to get on the wrong side of him!

As many say....trade him for Anne Sacoolas.