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Gary Larson, one of my favourite cartoonists.

Once his balls dropped he sat higher on the seat.

I clicked on this thread thinking it was going to be all about you for some reason

You know all this constant sniping back and forth is getting a bit wearing now, I've mostly been reading around it, but if anything it's getting worse. Why don't the main contenders just pm each other so the rest of us don't have to read it?

Had more than a few close calls whilst working as a motorcycle courier in the lovely winter of 2012, one where the bike turned in to a toboggan as I went down a hill after snow had fallen, how I didn't drop it I have no idea but I went down it with both feet down shouting "oh fuck" all the way down it

Apparently as we have surpassed the 50,000 infections mark the health secretary is making an announcement later. Hoping if any restrictions are reintroduced its after Ive left for Spain but then again what about coming back On the upside and the reason for posting here is Mr Slowly has been invited for his booster which makes me very happy. So has my dad and all of our older rels. Cant believe what a brilliant job this area (and many many others have done), heartening ay

A different kind of scare. I had to go to the other side of town on an errand and coming back. long(ish) straight road a car coming towards me and passing, suddenly did a fast U turn, I only noticed this because I heard a car horn and saw this silly manoeuvre in my mirrors. This car then followed me, it stuck behind me as much as it could and caught up after lights so it was never more than one car back. It stuck behind me right to the end of my road and then actually continued after me when I turned in. My road is like a letter P. one way in and out and a big crescent. I was more than a little freaked out by this point so, I rode past my house and to a neighbours opposite but a few doors up, the car went past me and pulled over a little up the road. Ive lived on this road for 21 years and know all my neighbours well, I also knew this particular neighbour was out, so I knocked on the door and waited with an eye on the car up the road. No answer (obviously) so a minute for two and back on the bike and I rode back the way I had come, back into town and after a short merry chase, lost him. Im absolutely convinced they had targeted my bike and wanted to find out where it lived. So they could come back for it, later. The scare wasn't so much about being followed, what freaked me out most of all was, "what if I hadn't noticed?"

I rode my '66 160 Ducati to a show, was convinced to enter it, and ended up winning an award.

I've heard about people doing that quite often. It's usually people not in their usual sleeping place though, in a hotel or staying with other people. My mate Charlie woke up in a tent at a rally and proceeded to piss in a pair of Ugg boots the girl he had brought had placed there. She was not best pleased (her only footwear that weekend) and they were placed on his wing mirrors for a few hours to dry out and I nearly had a coronary next day trying not to laugh when she proudly showed me photos looking down from the ski lift on the Isle of Wight and a stained pair of ugg boots were in shot.

No one can say I don't listen to what people want......so that's why I've started The Annoying Cunt Thread! Because from time to time some members will derail what is a decent thread (by our standards) to start niggling somebody else. If it happens in a thread which is already total bollocks then I'll leave it there. So if you think some posts are fucking up something decent then just tag me and I'll move them to this thread. Of course you are free to post in it as well if you feel like calling somebody a Cunt for no apparent reason.

When Princess Di died it was the night of our graduation ball (old style uni graduation not the new American style school graduation thats here now) Id not long gone to sleep when someone started battering my hotel door, I opened it to a loud and panicked announcement “PRINCESS DI IS DEAD” A bit miffed at being woken up I replied “Well she’ll still be dead in the morning then wont she” and shut the door and went back to sleep

Id just had a baby, it was a few weeks old and Mr Slowly rang and said turn on the telly, I looked at the screen and down at my new baby and said “NO there cant be a war, Ive just had a baby”

You need better material.

Finally, after all these years I managed to watch Fight Club last night. What a great film! How come nobody told me about it?

I am sure that some bike tail lights double as reflectors, but I might have dreamt that. Worth a try with a torch in the dark though eh. I had a similar circular doodah stuck onto my DR350 number plate many years ago whilst it was being MOTd. The bloke was just finishing up and he reached over to a box, grabbed one and just stuck it on. I asked and he said my bike needed a reflector and that's what they did when the bike didn't have one rather than fail it.

Forecast gale force winds. On the phone on hold for 39 mins before getting through. Still I’m grateful they take safety seriously and I got a place on the next ferry

Oh dear. I turn up in need of fluffy kitten stories to salve the disappointment of my ferry getting cancelled and this is what’s on offer

The Gods wondered how this person didn’t get the message, they wondered how they could send a disastrous flight experience down to earth and the little people still refused to understand so they sent Zeus who threatened thunder and lightning until the shipping forecast creaked with warnings of doom and everyone ran away Yep they cancelled the ferry due to forecast gale force winds Heyho at least the inner tube I ordered will turn up in time now

what scares you know opening the garage door and the sunlight reflecting off the cobwebs that cover your bike ?

My first scare was 6 days after I started riding, riding through a village called Much Hadham following a car at a good distance and I panic braked for some reason and down I went, I was more than slightly embarrassed but neither I nor the honda were damaged so picked it up from under the rear of the car it had slid under and carried on to work

I was about 10 stone then......I've put on a few lbs over the years!

I did that a few times in my younger days as well.

When I was about 17 I opened the wardrobe door and pissed in there

My only concern about continuing measures to reduce infection are they reduce all infections. If we continue to avoid all stimulation of the immune system its not going to take much of a knock out punch to make people ill.

I thought this was going to be a social justice thread.

That's what i always thought so had a look at my new Africa twin and it has a separate red reflector on the back and ambers one each side of the fork legs

The Shuttle Challenger disaster. I heard it on the car radio as I was driving round the M25 near Lakeside. It was odd too, because I very rarely listened to the radio in the car as I mainly listened to cassettes back then. I just decided that I'd put the radio on that day.

Obviously 9/11. I was doing a job in the main hospital in Jersey and one of the staff came into the lab to tell us what he'd just heard on the news. I was staying in the town and went to a pub in the evening for my tea and a few beers. They had a TV in the corner of the bar and everyone was watching it in silence, just shaking their heads.

You can leave it on the bike, the ferry has plenty of life jackets available.

I thought it would be entertaining stories about annoying cunts, preferably ones that get their comeuppance, like the villains in films always do!

I've pissed in, on and over many things in my life but never in my own pants or bed. Which reminds me onto the funny stories post

Hopefully Sunday but we’ll see!

Yep thats what Ive done

I don't think would even know how to do that, never had to bother before, but you're right, life's too short to do anything else, thank you for a good idea.

I’ve mostly just stuck em on plate

No you fucking haven't......stop bullshitting!

Its a skill you know, a talent. making yourself look an absolute plonker every time you type a word. It almost makes up for the fact that he is a complete and utter bore. maybe I should unblock him purely for the entertainment value. No.. I can't do that as he really is a bore. 99% of the time.

done more miles than you this year, on the bike , not van.

Look who's fucking talking!

You look tiny on that

That had me in stitches... and the cunt was trying to buy more beers

More like this

£2.5 and no lottery win required. Im rather good at saving dontcha know. Also I got a surprise discount on the bike, I was originally quoted £12000 and ended up paying rather less. (a lot less - winter discount) luggage and a few other bits and bobs were put on the back burner and I splashed out on the wheels. My bike came with tubes as standard.. the only thing I didn't like about the bike and they had to go. I was going for Alpina.. but in the end found I could afford these. just. just after fitting them. I have a waiting list of owners hoping (vainly) that I will sell the bike and then sell the wheels. to them. NOT A CHANCE!!!