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Jokes, your best your worse and all the rubbish on the internet between

Slowlycatchymonkey

By Slowlycatchymonkey
in GENERAL CHAT

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MooN

MooN

Posted
Posted
On 27/11/2022 at 21:52, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

It's meat with a load of shite mixed in.

Unless you're making the burgers yourself (or have a butcher like Pedro's) you're likely to be eating all sorts.

My son has anaphylactic level allergies, I've spent 20 years reading or asking for ingredient lists, it's very boring but also shocking what extra crap is in food.

They hardly ever contain only what you think they should.

 

this is why I buy meat from te local butcher, everything is cut or made in front of you, you watch him cut the meat off a dead animal ( or part of one) and he'll then pass it through the mincer if you want burgers or patiently explain to you ( me 😇) how best to cook it if you want it whole or whatever. 

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Slowlycatchymonkey

Slowlycatchymonkey

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1 hour ago, MooN said:

this is why I buy meat from te local butcher, everything is cut or made in front of you, you watch him cut the meat off a dead animal ( or part of one) and he'll then pass it through the mincer if you want burgers or patiently explain to you ( me 😇) how best to cook it if you want it whole or whatever. 

I wish it worked like that back here (ie the south west of England) but there are also eu exceptions for small traders. They don’t necessarily have to declare ingredients, they also don’t freely supply an ingredients list. 
A lot of ‘fresh’ butchers meat comes straight from their freezers. 
 

If you ask if it’s for sure fresh and they know the ingredient list then dandy but they may well use pumped then defrosted meat. 
Just ask one if there’s any extra ingredients, after feigning ignorance if you insist it’s often quite a surprise. 

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Pedro

Pedro

Posted
Posted

So, Saul fitting muffs to his bike made me remember this joke:

 

John had been told by his friends that Helen, his crush was not as innocent as he thought and had been around the block a few times. He couldn’t say no to when she invited him in after driving her home from the office party, and things started getting a little frisky. Having had a few drinks John was more confident than normal and slipped his hand under her skirt.


And Helen said: you can go farther than that John! So he slipped his hand under he panties.

And Helen said: you can go further than that John! So he slowly slipped a finger in, not believing his luck while doing it.

And Helen said: You can go further than that, I want two! John was a little surprised but went ahead and slipped the second finger in!

And Helen said: You can go further than that, John! By now John was getting a little annoyed at her pushiness but slipped a third finger in!

And Helen said: You can go further than that, John! And John, loosing his mind did something that he never even dreamed about and slipped his hand in!!! He was expecting her to complain in pain!

And Helen said: You can go further than that, John! John by now was feeling both anxious and frankly worried about Helen, but he slipped the second hand in!

Helen finally moaned, and asked: Oh John, try and clap your hands!

John said: I can’t!

And Helen said: I know, it’s really tight isn’t it?

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Sir Fallsalot

Sir Fallsalot

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

Got sent this via WhatsApp so dunno if the link will work 🤷‍♀️ but it’s too cute not to try and share it. 

https://www.facebook.com/reel/3203672106560821?fs=e&s=7MtrtK

Worked for me just wondering what one of those would taste like and how would you cook it :classic_laugh:

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zzzak

zzzak

Posted
Posted

SEAGOON: It was such a winter's night as this when I, Lance Constable Ned Seagoon of Long Division, London River Police, was patrolling the river.

Splash as body jumps in water. Wading through water.

SEAGOON: I'll be glad when we get a launch Sergeant.
 

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yen_powell

yen_powell

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, zzzak said:

SEAGOON: It was such a winter's night as this when I, Lance Constable Ned Seagoon of Long Division, London River Police, was patrolling the river.

Splash as body jumps in water. Wading through water.

SEAGOON: I'll be glad when we get a launch Sergeant.
 

He's fallen in der water.......

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busabeast

busabeast

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

A drawer knobs fell off in a giants kitchen, those magic beans have a lot to answer for. 

That is not a door knob......

I think it was attack of the 50ft sex worker

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Tango

Tango

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, busabeast said:

That is not a door knob......

I think it was attack of the 50ft sex worker

My eldest son said that he hopes they don't put an angel on top of it!! 😂😂😂

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