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Jokes, your best your worse and all the rubbish on the internet between

Slowlycatchymonkey

By Slowlycatchymonkey
in GENERAL CHAT

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Buckster

Buckster

Posted
Posted

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this ole thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the
woman. " On the south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an
expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much, but I call it home.
Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes
upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering
closer to him, "We've both been out here for many
months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?"
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
"You've built a Motorcycle?”

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Tango

Tango

Posted
Posted
37 minutes ago, Pedro said:

Best for whom?

The bear gets lunch, you get away, seems to me 2 out of 3 isn't bad...

It's like the old joke about 2 guys walking through the savanna and they meet a hungry lion. One of the immediately reaches into his backpack and gets a pair of running shoes out and starts putting them on. The other guy says "you're wasting your time, you'll never outrun a lion!"

He replies " I know that but, as long as I can run faster than you!"

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Tango

Tango

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, DesmoDog said:

Now you've done it. You've triggered that age old argument on what the game should be.

https://deadspin.com/duck-duck-gray-duck-isnt-just-a-stupid-regionalism-1819317297

 

PS - I grew up in Minnesota. 

I'm not aware of this game, but I used to participate in a drinking game called "fuzzy duck"! 😂😂😂

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Pedro

Pedro

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Tango said:

FB_IMG_1678096837338.jpg.5cf9b3443dc4c714c0c8c64039a4a743.jpg

 

Almost managed a similar one earlier today, but fumbling with my phone took forever and my dog didn't contribute to the ducks not starting to walk towards the water

IMG_0437.thumb.jpeg.61e414ea8dec039596bf7a9ffeb3b50f.jpeg

 

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Buckster

Buckster

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, Tango said:

 FB_IMG_1646851434350.jpg.5fa97f61040dda508dcc54753a6b1ba7.jpg

This year is the last one as trans activists are hijacking it and calling it transphobic.

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Tango

Tango

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Buckster said:

This year is the last one as trans activists are hijacking it and calling it transphobic.

Mother's and Father's days will be their next target! 😉😂😂

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