Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Since I’ve been on here for over a week, I thought it was probably about time I posted something vaguely bike-related by way of introduction. My first biking experience was when I was 13 or 14, herding cows on a friend’s farm with an old 125 of some description. As much as I would have loved a bike at 17, a car was the only practical option for a gigging bass-player, so my biking career was put on hold for the next 20+ years. My wife and I actually took our tests together and spent a year or so happily tootling around on a couple of ZZR600s until I got bored by the gutlessness of the thing and switched up to a ZZR1200. I absolutely loved that bike and covered a lot of miles on it, especially after I started using it for all my European business trips. I hate the hassle of flying, and of having to rush back to the airport when the meeting you’ve been sitting in all day is just starting to get interesting. On the bike I can do as I please – just turn up at the Channel Tunnel vaguely at the booked time and pay a bit extra if I’m much too early or too late. I don’t think I’ve ever had to wait more than 45 minutes for a crossing. The furthest I’ve ever ridden in a day was on that bike - from Basel to Harrogate, which seemed like a good idea at breakfast in the hotel when I decided to see if I could get home in time for tea. By Cambridge the novelty had very much worn off, and by the time I hit Yorkshire I was properly fed up with the whole idiotic enterprise. With road closures and diversions it ended up being just shy of 1,000 miles. I hung on to the 1200 as long as was practical, but in the end it started to get too unreliable. Roadside repairs are one thing and I certainly did my fair share of those, but when bits started falling off it on the motorway I realised it had to go. The final straw was when it caught fire on the E19 around Antwerp. I’m still not quite sure what happened next. I’d hired an Electra Glide in California a couple of years earlier, and no description I gave anybody of the experience ever rose above the excremental: the engine was shit, the gearbox was shit, the brakes were shit, the handling was shit. It was like the Rickenbacker bass – iconic, but fundamentally a turd. And yet… there is something about that engine that gets under your skin. And so it was that when the mighty 1200 had to go, a faecal-brown Electra Glide is what I replaced it with. I had taken the new Fat Boy out for a spin first and liked it far better, but I didn’t fancy riding an un-faired bike across Europe on a regular basis. The first thing that struck me about it (other than the size) was just how comfortable it was - perfect for those long European trips. Sadly, the first thing that struck my wife about it was its overt homosexuality. I endured months of goading before things finally came to a head when I took it on a trip to Germany. No sooner had I got onto the A1 for the long slog south than I discovered that she had replaced everything on my iPod with The Village People. Let's just say that cruising though Mainz with ‘YMCA’ blaring out of the stereo is not exactly the most heterosexual I’ve ever felt. It also introduced me to another new experience, which was being overtaken by cars – even really crappy ones. Something clearly had to be done, so I replaced it with a K1600GT. Now that was an astonishing bike in almost every respect – silky smooth, incredibly comfortable, totally unflappable in the corners thanks to its fancy front suspension and obscenely quick – but as strange as it sounds it didn’t excite me. The ZZR and the Harley both had character – they were a more visceral experience that left you in no doubt that you were riding them, whereas the BMW was refined to the point that it felt like I was just gliding down the road on a magic carpet, completely detached from the sensation of riding. It took me a good while to realise that it wasn’t the bike for me, at which point I switched to the R1200GSA that I still have now. So, that’s my biking history in a nutshell. Well – almost. On holiday in France about ten years ago I conducted a spectacularly self-destructive experiment with the local cider and then went onto Ebay in a state of totally diminished responsibility. I awoke the next morning to a flurry of emails congratulating me on being the proud owner of a life-size Dalek, an aquarium with an assortment of mechanical fish, an industrial quantity of plastic dinosaurs, and a Honda ST1300A. I bought it as a barely-running restoration project, and after ten years it is now a non-running reminder of the dangers of Ebaying under the influence. Every now and then a couple of bike enthusiast down the road come to look at it over a mug of tea, so with any luck I’ll get shot of the damn thing before much longer… 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzzak Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 That's a nice range of bikes, out of interest I looked up the ST1300's and they look like a serious tourer, cheap too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XTreme Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Great stuff Mark......except for the overt homosexuality of the Harley! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busabeast Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Why not try and sort out the st1300? I'm sure it wouldn't cost the earth and a runner will be easier to shift than a non runner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saul Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Interesting read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Tempted to going back to a faster 4 cylinder based bike? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 you still got the Dalek ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clive Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 5 hours ago, busabeast said: Why not try and sort out the st1300? I'm sure it wouldn't cost the earth and a runner will be easier to shift than a non runner Yes get it back on the road........how hard can it be. On 2nd thoughts.........burn it, your sanity will thank you! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busabeast Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 7 minutes ago, Clive said: Yes get it back on the road........how hard can it be. On 2nd thoughts.........burn it, your sanity will thank you! Yeah I have to agree it's a Honda..... burn it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckster Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 8 hours ago, XTreme said: Great stuff Mark......except for the overt homosexuality of the Harley! Wait until @Pedro takes him on a special BMW tour of Morocco. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckster Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Just remember Mark, you now have a friend, I'm not talking about Jesus, no, it's Marcel. He will cling to you like a never ending shit stain. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel le Moose Fondler Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 14 minutes ago, Buckster said: Just remember Mark, you now have a friend, I'm not talking about Jesus, no, it's Marcel. He will cling to you like a never ending shit stain. Your just jealous because we broke up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 10 hours ago, busabeast said: Why not try and sort out the st1300? I'm sure it wouldn't cost the earth and a runner will be easier to shift than a non runner I did make a start on it when I got it home, but rapidly came to the conclusion that it needed more time and money than I was willing to spend on it. Breaking it for spares would probably be more lucrative... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboneleg Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Just now, Otto von Jizzmark said: I did make a start on it when I got it home, but rapidly came to the conclusion that it needed more time and money than I was willing to spend on it. Breaking it for spares would probably be more lucrative... The trouble with Honda's is that the parts are expensive and if you buy second hand parts for an old bike like that they are likely to be either shagged or have a lot of miles on them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busabeast Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 11 minutes ago, Otto von Jizzmark said: I did make a start on it when I got it home, but rapidly came to the conclusion that it needed more time and money than I was willing to spend on it. Breaking it for spares would probably be more lucrative... Yeah if you can make more breaking it than as a whole that would make more sense, just so long as you can be bothered to break it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 5 hours ago, Pedro said: Tempted to going back to a faster 4 cylinder based bike? Hmm... maybe... I don't know to be honest, Pedro. I guess the ZZR1400 would have been the logical next step when I was looking to replace the 1200, but as much as I like their aesthetics I found the ones I tried pretty uncomfortable to ride. I have a feeling that after a few years of the more upright riding position of the K1600 and the R1200 I'd probably find anything sportier a bit of a pain. I only tend to ride long-haul trips into Europe rather than tootling about locally, so comfort is the critical thing really. And the R1200 just seems to do everything I need it to do really well! The big question at the moment though is my hand - it got pretty badly torn up last year and riding is still very uncomfortable, if not downright dangerous. Another issue is that we finally replaced our elderly XC90 with a 450 GLE back in November, so I'm still enjoying the novelty of wafting along in supreme comfort and saying "Hey Mercedes - play Miles Davis." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XTreme Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 42 minutes ago, Otto von Jizzmark said: so I'm still enjoying the novelty of wafting along in supreme comfort and saying "Hey Mercedes - play Miles Davis." Damn you Metropolitan Liberal Elite! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 9 hours ago, Saul said: Interesting read. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 6 hours ago, Six30 said: you still got the Dalek ? Yes - and in the same stage of completion as the bike! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saul Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 12 minutes ago, Otto von Jizzmark said: Is that Charlemagne? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 5 minutes ago, Saul said: Is that Charlemagne? It’s the actual face of God. I mean, OK, it’s a drawing, but that’s exactly what He looks like. It was all gone into very thoroughly by some top bible boffins… 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busabeast Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 14 minutes ago, Otto von Jizzmark said: It’s the actual face of God. I mean, OK, it’s a drawing, but that’s exactly what He looks like. It was all gone into very thoroughly by some top bible boffins… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saul Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 Must be true then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboneleg Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 21 minutes ago, Otto von Jizzmark said: It’s the actual face of God. I mean, OK, it’s a drawing, but that’s exactly what He looks like. It was all gone into very thoroughly by some top bible boffins… Incorrect , this is the face of god............. or Jesus ....................or someone in the church anyway ................ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto von Jizzmark Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 4 minutes ago, busabeast said: No point asking me: we did have scripture classes when I was at school, but I seemed to spend most of them standing outside the headmasters office… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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