Otto von Jizzmark

I was going to say ‘No’, but then…

Well I expect David Bailey must be shitting himself right now…

‘Potching’ - that’s one I’d not heard before. I like it!

@Buckster - I realise that I'm a miserable little atheist shit, but if while you're communing with The Almighty in the morning you could possibly ask Him to stop fucking up my experiments I'd be very grateful.

Whenever I saw cars at the side of the road I half expected someone to jump out and flag me down.

Hideous, isn’t it?

I was hunting for something on an old memory stick this afternoon and came across this photo of the Electra Glide I hired in California about 8 years ago. It was taken somewhere along Highway 1 on my pilgrimage from San Francisco to the MusicMan factory in San Luis Obispo, whose basses (among others) I’ve played for donkey’s years. I stopped off at Monterey (still my favourite aquarium) and Big Sur on the way down, and then stopped in Carmel-by-the-Sea for a brew on my way back. The only thing I really remember about the place was that the second I found a nice quiet corner by a window to sit and drink my tea some vapid airhead plonked herself down in front of me and proceeded to tell me all about the meditation retreat she had just been on and – quelle surprise - her beautiful relationship with Jesus. I sipped my tea and nodded in mock interest whilst thinking big thoughts, like how many tigers it would take to overpower a tiger shark, before finally deciding that the time had come to unleash my patented dingbat repellent. She asked me how long I had been married, and I said that we’d been together for 20 years. She said “Oh my! I hope someday I meet someone I can spend that long with. She must have a real special energy – a magical aura that drew you into her orbit and totally captivated you.” “Yeah, I guess” I said. “I think it was mostly her tits and arse, though...” Twenty seconds later it was as if she had never been there. Job done.

They wouldn't be worse than some of the places I've stayed! I once got booked into somewhere called 'The Floatel' which was a prefab floating hotel built on a slack bit of river near Macclesfield. It had already started sinking when I stayed there, which caused some interesting problems with the plumbing: you could sit by the window at breakfast and watch the other guests turds floating past. It got demolished not long after that.

Got my kennel cough vaccine this morning. It was supposed to be for the dog, but she bucked so hard when the vet tried to get it up her nose that I got the lot right across my face and in my mouth.

Not if I was looking at a Harley I wouldn’t.

I don't think we'd be anywhere near the tool-handling stage after only three days, @Buckster: after three weeks you'll still be telling me that you know more about mechanics than the Institute of Mechanical Engineers whilst pointing at the lawnmower and insisting it's a motorbike.

I should also add that he wants to study biology, chemistry and geography at A level and has been revising his biology all week, so that might not have been totally fair to Buckster…

So @Buckster, I gave this one to my 15 year old this morning: "Evolution requires a change of type for it to be proven, that’s what it claims after all." His exact words were "Umm... what's a 'change of type' supposed to mean? Evolution is just random mutations leading to beneficial adaptations that get concentrated in the population. I think they're confusing evolution with speciation." BOOM! Schooled by a teenager. I knew my boy wouldn't let me down. Here endeth the lesson.