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A guy called Simon went on Stars in your Eyes. Mathew Kelly noticed he had a funny walk. "You ok, Simon, I noticed your legs are a bit shaky?" "Fine, thanks for asking, Mathew," he replied. "It's just that I had a serious accident which resulted in having to have my legs amputated." "I'm really sorry to hear that, mate." Mathew said. "It"s not so bad really," Simon told him, " In fact I'm very fortunate because my uncle was fatally wounded in the same accident but the doctors managed to save his legs and transplanted them onto by body." "What a sorry and uplifting story." Mathew replied. " Anyway, who are you going to be tonight?" "Tonight, Mathew, I'm going to be Simon and Half-uncle."

Got a bit of a cold at the mo. Got the normal thick head but shit I feel knackered. Maybe I'll have a nap too.

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then." Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f—king widow."

spent much of today ( and most of last night) on the phone with daughter No.2b who is massively unhappy at uni the other side of the country ( lucky that walking around with a phone to my ear is normal practice at work) I also have man flu so am obviously at death's door.

I have spent a couple of hours cleaning rust off of the scoots centre stand and frame where all the road crud is flung and collects, looks much better, I will give it several coats of paint of £ shop rattle can paint, the wheels getting ready for a repaint too, but that's for another day.

Passed no advisories. Never in doubt.

And presto....didn't even have to pull out the sledge hammer...

Pressure-Washed my carport & put the boat away for the winter yesterday....got some errands to run today but should be back in time for a nap....

Received this weed eater multi trimming tool yesterday...spend part of the afternoon assembling the thing...instructions aren't very helpful...lol....I think the gloves it came with it are for China man ...lol. For the price...quality don't appear to bad...I have to say...engine fired right up first pull...

Fortunately you’ve now got matching brake callipers!!!

Yeah and neither of them are blinged up like a Latino Vajazzell. You wouldn’t ride that thing Harley or no. Mind you Marcy has probably pictured you on it already.

There was a few fuckwits at the IOW festival, lucky for me no one on stage was flapping about it.

That thing is cleaned within an inch of it's life, what could possibly go wrong. By the way my TDM passed Monday.

bike test ...just ride pass the mot station slowly and its passed

Dude, you have two Honda's.

£200 cash do it?