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Slowlycatchymonkey

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The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your Motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women? "God said, "Ah, yes. " "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention." God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions.

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.

4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous. "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."

 

 

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AN ADULT FAIRY TALE:

Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what: Metal,Wood, Stone

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away, sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the Princess,

'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed.

And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after

Question: What was in the Prince's pants?

M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What on earth were you thinking?

I WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!

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3 hours ago, Renegade said:

AN ADULT FAIRY TALE:

Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what: Metal,Wood, Stone

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away, sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the Princess,

'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed.

And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after

Question: What was in the Prince's pants?

M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What on earth were you thinking?

I WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!

maltesers 😩

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So here I am, squinting at the computer, my eye is still a bit swollen.

So, "What happened?", you say...

Well it was like this ....

My wife, lovely woman that she is, apparently thought that our sex life needed a bit of "spicing up."

So, unbeknownst to me mind you, she went out and bought a peephole bra and crotchless panties lingerie set.

Then yesterday evening, after she cooked my favourite meal and sharing a really nice bottle of wine, we were sitting in the lounge relaxing with some more wine and watching a movie.

After a while I noticed that she kept crossing and uncrossing her legs, and it was then that, on closer inspection, I first saw the new panties she was wearing.

Somewhat surprised I asked her,

“Are you wearing crotchless panties?”

She answered me, somewhat huskily,

“Y-e-s darling, I was wondering when you'd notice.....”

So I said,

“Thank God!"

"For a minute there I thought you were sitting on the cat!”

I never even saw it coming !!!

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