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Embarrassing Bike Related Incidents

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1 minute ago, boboneleg said:

@Sir Fallsalot

 

I found the bollards for you Fred  :classic_laugh:

 

 

 

image.png.3061b7560791c120759d0423da92a113.png

 

Here's where the locals were sat including one of the bar staff who Tony christened 'the Madonna with the big boobies '  :classic_biggrin:

 

image.png.abd5df49788e9eaee8d5e140a0e313f6.png

 

We just need someone to edit those pictures and recreate the scene, this is like a CSI episode!

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In Kuching the dealer wiped my ECU but didn't do the 15 minute reset so the FI was all over the place. I'd been riding the bike for 60,000 km so I knew exactly how it was supposed to feel - but I didn't know that FI wasn't right. So I applied throttle exactly as I always did, and the bike cut out and I fell on my face in the gutter while trying to turn out of the dealership.

An old man came up to me and said, "Your skill is very weak."

I was so pissed lol. Nobody believed me that the bike wasn't right, and it got worse and worse until it became unrideable on the remote West Coast of Sumatra, and it took me three days to figure out wtf was wrong and fix it myself. I cried in the carport of the dingy hotel that didn't change sheets between guests, and the owner felt so sorry for me that he bought me some fried chicken.

The end.

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17 hours ago, Grace (BikeHedonia) said:

In Kuching the dealer wiped my ECU but didn't do the 15 minute reset so the FI was all over the place. I'd been riding the bike for 60,000 km so I knew exactly how it was supposed to feel - but I didn't know that FI wasn't right. So I applied throttle exactly as I always did, and the bike cut out and I fell on my face in the gutter while trying to turn out of the dealership.

An old man came up to me and said, "Your skill is very weak."

I was so pissed lol. Nobody believed me that the bike wasn't right, and it got worse and worse until it became unrideable on the remote West Coast of Sumatra, and it took me three days to figure out wtf was wrong and fix it myself. I cried in the carport of the dingy hotel that didn't change sheets between guests, and the owner felt so sorry for me that he bought me some fried chicken.

The end.

Thats not embarrassing thats a tale of woe the universe tried to correct with fried chicken. 

Universe report card- “Must try harder”

On the upside I wouldnt have figured out in a million years what was wrong with the bike let alone fix it so theres that and the old man can get to feckery “Your manners are weak old man” 😂 

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15 minutes ago, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

That not embarrassing thats a tale of woe the universe tried to correct with fried chicken. 

Universe report card- “Must try harder”

On the upside I wouldnt have figured out in a million years what was wrong with the bike let alone fix it so theres that and the old man can get to feckery “Your manners are weak old man” 😂 

Haha I like your take on this, also on old men. Oh the stories I can tell about old men... the Vietnamese ones were shameless. One dude groped my tits in front of his wife and neighbour, because he thought it was so funny that I had breasts underneath my motorcross armour.... 

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11 minutes ago, Grace (BikeHedonia) said:

Haha I like your take on this, also on old men. Oh the stories I can tell about old men... the Vietnamese ones were shameless. One dude groped my tits in front of his wife and neighbour, because he thought it was so funny that I had breasts underneath my motorcross armour.... 

Well he sounds like an uninhibited party sort of fellow… the sort that has some exciting chemicals he procured from the vets especially for your unattended drinky 😱

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Spring of 1991. I went to pick up the Ducati 907ie that I had put a deposit down on months before and of course, it starts raining. So I ride it home and park it, anxiously awaiting the next day when it's supposed to be clear. 

The next morning I get up to sunshine. Suit up, head out. This was before the 900ss came out, and before Ducati's big come back, so most people had NO idea what a Ducati was. People who did know what it was often thought they had gone out of business. So the bike was a but of an oddity. Anyway... I'm tooling along and saw a guy I kind of knew, a friend of a friend who was in to bikes. I pull into his driveway. He has no idea who I am, he only knows this brand new Ducati is pulling up. I get to the garage, start to turn, and realize I haven't got enough room to turn around, I'm going to hit one of his cars. So, against everything my brain was telling me, I hit the brakes while still turning. And promptly fell over. 

I'm on the ground. Brand new bike is on the ground. This guy has no idea who I am yet. I don't recall taking off my helmet or picking up the bike or anything for a bit.  Nice enough guy though. He told me the story of how he was pulling a BMW into the garage one day and fell over onto his dad's newly repainted Jaguar. Made me feel a lttle better... but I still went straight home and went back to bed. The only real damage to the bike was a cracked mirror and a couple scuffs in the paint, so it could have been worse. Messed up my wirst too but I didn' tfeel that right away...

 

Years later, a friend asks me to ride with him in a team Hare Scrambles off road event. I had a KDX250 and had ridden off road for about five miuntes in my life but sure, why not? I had off road gear, what could possibly go wrong?

He takes the first leg, then hands the bike off. I fumble around the track for a bit, mostly trying to stay out of everyone else's way. I was climbing a hill (a weak point in my already very limited skills) and I hear a two stroke coming up behind me, so I try to up the pace and get to the top. The bike hits a bump, I go up in the air, the bike drops, I start to drop, the bike hits another bump and comes up while I am still dropping down, and the tank crashes into certain body parts that are not known to resist impacts very robustly. Fack me. I got to the top of the hill, pulled over, and took a little rest...

But that's not the embarrassing part. I remounted and continued on, a bit worse for wear and getting pretty tired. Suddenly the trail opens up into a small field with a checkpoint table. Open field after all the riding through the woods. Nothing to avoid, no trees to dodge. Well, I mean there was one small little tree there, out in the open, before the table. Not much more than a sapling really, right there by the table. You'd have to be a complete idiot to... oh son of a bitch, I clipped it with the bars and went down. Right in front of everyone sitting there doing checkpoint stuff. And I'm not exactly running with the pack so there wasn't much else for people to be watching when I pulled up. 

One guy has his kid with him. The kid starts laughing. The dad tells him not to laugh. I stood up and told the kid it was ok, that was pretty funny. And I started laughing too. It was that or cry. 

I got back around to the pits and handed the bike off to the other guy. It had been so long he thought I had broken down. And that was the end of my Hare Scrambles career. 

 

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14 minutes ago, DesmoDog said:

Spring of 1991. I went to pick up the Ducati 907ie that I had put a deposit down on months before and of course, it starts raining. So I ride it home and park it, anxiously awaiting the next day when it's supposed to be clear. 

The next morning I get up to sunshine. Suit up, head out. This was before the 900ss came out, and before Ducati's big come back, so most people had NO idea what a Ducati was. People who did know what it was often thought they had gone out of business. So the bike was a but of an oddity. Anyway... I'm tooling along and saw a guy I kind of knew, a friend of a friend who was in to bikes. I pull into his driveway. He has no idea who I am, he only knows this brand new Ducati is pulling up. I get to the garage, start to turn, and realize I haven't got enough room to turn around, I'm going to hit one of his cars. So, against everything my brain was telling me, I hit the brakes while still turning. And promptly fell over. 

I'm on the ground. Brand new bike is on the ground. This guy has no idea who I am yet. I don't recall taking off my helmet or picking up the bike or anything for a bit.  Nice enough guy though. He told me the story of how he was pulling a BMW into the garage one day and fell over onto his dad's newly repainted Jaguar. Made me feel a lttle better... but I still went straight home and went back to bed. The only real damage to the bike was a cracked mirror and a couple scuffs in the paint, so it could have been worse. Messed up my wirst too but I didn' tfeel that right away...

 

Years later, a friend asks me to ride with him in a team Hare Scrambles off road event. I had a KDX250 and had ridden off road for about five miuntes in my life but sure, why not? I had off road gear, what could possibly go wrong?

He takes the first leg, then hands the bike off. I fumble around the track for a bit, mostly trying to stay out of everyone else's way. I was climbing a hill (a weak point in my already very limited skills) and I hear a two stroke coming up behind me, so I try to up the pace and get to the top. The bike hits a bump, I go up in the air, the bike drops, I start to drop, the bike hits another bump and comes up while I am still dropping down, and the tank crashes into certain body parts that are not known to resist impacts very robustly. Fack me. I got to the top of the hill, pulled over, and took a little rest...

But that's not the embarrassing part. I remounted and continued on, a bit worse for wear and getting pretty tired. Suddenly the trail opens up into a small field with a checkpoint table. Open field after all the riding through the woods. Nothing to avoid, no trees to dodge. Well, I mean there was one small little tree there, out in the open, before the table. Not much more than a sapling really, right there by the table. You'd have to be a complete idiot to... oh son of a bitch, I clipped it with the bars and went down. Right in front of everyone sitting there doing checkpoint stuff. And I'm not exactly running with the pack so there wasn't much else for people to be watching when I pulled up. 

One guy has his kid with him. The kid starts laughing. The dad tells him not to laugh. I stood up and told the kid it was ok, that was pretty funny. And I started laughing too. It was that or cry. 

I got back around to the pits and handed the bike off to the other guy. It had been so long he thought I had broken down. And that was the end of my Hare Scrambles career. 

 

Banging your balls on the tank is a painful way to learn! 

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14 minutes ago, DesmoDog said:

Spring of 1991. I went to pick up the Ducati 907ie that I had put a deposit down on months before and of course, it starts raining. So I ride it home and park it, anxiously awaiting the next day when it's supposed to be clear. 

The next morning I get up to sunshine. Suit up, head out. This was before the 900ss came out, and before Ducati's big come back, so most people had NO idea what a Ducati was. People who did know what it was often thought they had gone out of business. So the bike was a but of an oddity. Anyway... I'm tooling along and saw a guy I kind of knew, a friend of a friend who was in to bikes. I pull into his driveway. He has no idea who I am, he only knows this brand new Ducati is pulling up. I get to the garage, start to turn, and realize I haven't got enough room to turn around, I'm going to hit one of his cars. So, against everything my brain was telling me, I hit the brakes while still turning. And promptly fell over. 

I'm on the ground. Brand new bike is on the ground. This guy has no idea who I am yet. I don't recall taking off my helmet or picking up the bike or anything for a bit.  Nice enough guy though. He told me the story of how he was pulling a BMW into the garage one day and fell over onto his dad's newly repainted Jaguar. Made me feel a lttle better... but I still went straight home and went back to bed. The only real damage to the bike was a cracked mirror and a couple scuffs in the paint, so it could have been worse. Messed up my wirst too but I didn' tfeel that right away...

 

Years later, a friend asks me to ride with him in a team Hare Scrambles off road event. I had a KDX250 and had ridden off road for about five miuntes in my life but sure, why not? I had off road gear, what could possibly go wrong?

He takes the first leg, then hands the bike off. I fumble around the track for a bit, mostly trying to stay out of everyone else's way. I was climbing a hill (a weak point in my already very limited skills) and I hear a two stroke coming up behind me, so I try to up the pace and get to the top. The bike hits a bump, I go up in the air, the bike drops, I start to drop, the bike hits another bump and comes up while I am still dropping down, and the tank crashes into certain body parts that are not known to resist impacts very robustly. Fack me. I got to the top of the hill, pulled over, and took a little rest...

But that's not the embarrassing part. I remounted and continued on, a bit worse for wear and getting pretty tired. Suddenly the trail opens up into a small field with a checkpoint table. Open field after all the riding through the woods. Nothing to avoid, no trees to dodge. Well, I mean there was one small little tree there, out in the open, before the table. Not much more than a sapling really, right there by the table. You'd have to be a complete idiot to... oh son of a bitch, I clipped it with the bars and went down. Right in front of everyone sitting there doing checkpoint stuff. And I'm not exactly running with the pack so there wasn't much else for people to be watching when I pulled up. 

One guy has his kid with him. The kid starts laughing. The dad tells him not to laugh. I stood up and told the kid it was ok, that was pretty funny. And I started laughing too. It was that or cry. 

I got back around to the pits and handed the bike off to the other guy. It had been so long he thought I had broken down. And that was the end of my Hare Scrambles career. 

 

Excellent work on both scores. 

No-one told me not to use the brake on a hard lock turn, I figured it out… eventually 😳

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On 26/11/2021 at 00:35, Slowlycatchymonkey said:

Im pretty sure Ive just done the most embarrassingly idiotic thing Ive ever done.. on a bike anyway 😂 

69B1FC9E-9D35-48AA-BFB9-851AB498C7FE.thumb.jpeg.63130b5c45613383662fc606b5ef01c2.jpeg

What a plonker 😝

@XTreme you got to make this  the header photo instead of some twat staring at the sky next to his triumph 😀

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4 minutes ago, Six30 said:

@XTreme you got to make this  the header photo instead of some twat staring at the sky next to his triumph 😀

For BOTM the problem is that the owner of the bike has to submit their photo......nobody else can do it.

So if @Slowlycatchymonkey doesn't put the submission in then it can't be included.

My hands are tied!

For the header......the pic is taken too close. And I can't use it without permission.

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On 24/11/2021 at 16:48, Richzx6r said:

angry will ferrell GIF

careful ridge , he likes giving it but dont like it back , you'll be on his ignore and losing sleep like me.

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