Oh Lyn, I feel your pain mate. I spent a good year crying my eyes out after Jana passed. I drove to a beautiful place called Black Horse creek & spread her ashes, along with ashes of our son & her Dad. She just wanted to be near water, so I made that last wish happen. It absolutely tore me up at 1st....but with time, it also brought me some real Peace. I truly hope & Pray that you find that Peace as well.