Skippy

There’s no chance of that happening

Not sure, at least his beard has a purpose in that it hides part of his face

I like your style but with me the more I drink the less likely I am to slap anyone……..mind you, I can make exceptions for hipsters coz they really grip my shit

Look what I found in Marks and Spencer’s……..3 for £8 was a bargain.

You can’t beat some liquor

The Jews have turned up, I’m sure I heard him bartering over the price of the coffee.

Ah crap, her hipster boyfriend has just turned up…….about half my age with a trendy beard. Wanker.…………oh well, time to read my book and stop kidding myself

On my way back to Spain…….well I will be at 0610 in the morning so for now I’m plotted up at the airport. I have a bag that needs to go into the hold so I can’t check-in until about 4am which means I can’t go through security to where the bars are…….no, I’m stuck with coffee shops instead. Schoolboy error. The upside is that there’s a stunningly beautiful woman a few metres away and she definitely has all the moves. Swished across the coffee shop with coffee in hand, I swear she just glided a few centimetres above the floor. I wonder if I could impress her with my best chat-up lines? I reckon she’d be impressed

Starting in ‘off’ mode completely defeats the object of an ebike but I do appreciate the general approach you’ve described Pedro. I started on ‘Low’ progressed to ‘Eco’ and settled on ‘Mid’ for 95% of the ride………but it was a shit load of fun going up very steep hills in ’Extreme’

You’re not kidding, tried eco mode but the damn thing is so heavy you’d be better off with a normal bike.

Sitting here wondering if I’ve got enough money in my wallet to get proper wankered. Could be a close thing.

Yes Gaylord, cycling. I could have taken his Triumph Bobber or the Honda VFR400 out but didn’t trust myself not to do something stupid.

Started well with a ten mile electric mountain bike ride around the local trails. What an incredible bit of kit, climbed some long, steep, gravel hills on ‘ xtreme mode’ and it was easy. How on earth could anyone get fit on one of these? Spent a few hours with my dad being a general skivvy and now back at a pub just a few minutes walk from my mate’s swanky pad to watch the football and drink overpriced beer………..£6.10 for Madri and £5.10 for Guinness.

Have you checked out the warranty situation yet?

Mate, you never, ever shit on your own doorstep……..mind you the neighbours security looks a bit weak

Working on it

Not now

Staying at a mates place in Sunningdale for a couple of nights while him and his missus go to their apartment on Lake Como. Long story short is that his wife booked a surprise flight for them to go away for a week but he forgot to tell her I was coming over so now I’ve got the run of a very swanky house that’s filled with toys, food and booze; Jaguar E-Pace Triumph Bobber Honda VFR400 ………and a hoofing eMBT that I took out for an hour this afternoon across Chobham Common. Holy crap I NEED one of these. Oh, and their cute dog that loves beer and rugby. One of their daughters dropped her off for tonight as she’s going out. If they’re neighbours clock me they’ll call the police and report a burglary in progress!

Another early start to look after my old man has lead to another posh coffee. Sitting there enjoying my skinny latte capuchin monstrosity when some bloke in an enormous 4x4 tries to reverse into one of the parking slots outside but his wank wagon is too long and wide so he takes up two spaces and ends up having to reverse up onto the pavement to stop the front hanging out into the busy high street. If that wasn’t funny enough some old dear with a tartan shopping bag on wheels rips right into him and tells him he’s “an ignorant, selfish boy” and that he should move it. The bloke must be in his forties but he is so embarrassed he gets back in and drives off! No posh coffee for you matey.

That’s it, you need red carding. Bullying should not be tolerated on here.

………..nobody else on here was alive in 1948……only you.

The country as a place is fine and even the climate is just about tolerable. It’s the pond life that inhabit it and seem to be spreading like a disease that I have an issue with. A perfect example is the able-bodied bloke that just went past on a mobility scooter as proud as anything. Parked outside a shop and leapt off it like an athlete. Fucking oxygen thief.

I like sharing my pain, anger and stress with you lot. It’s like a deep clean of the soul. Just taking my old dad for his Covid and flu jabs. God help me.

I only planned on eating it, not sticking my cock in it. Mind you, now it’s a bit quieter…………

And another thing………people that wear flip flops with white socks and jogging pants pulled up to their knees. You don’t look cool, you look like the cunt you are. I shouldn’t come back to the UK, it pisses me off.