I totally agree with you Pete, most of the world doesn't seem to be happy unless they're offended by something or other.
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BLEATING BASTARDS !!
It's nowehre near as good as a @Buckster putdown , but ffs ?
I used to practise balancing on the back wheels of my wheelchair (a bit like a balanced wheelie) until my wife came in the living room unexpectedly. Taken by surprise I went over the back but avoided hitting my head.
Lying on the floor I looked to my wife for sympathy but she just looked at me and said ' you stupid man' and walked out
So I've just put my tent up in the garden to help this young lad out. Myself and a few of my mates are doing the same tonight and we're donating to his charity.
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/max-woosey1