Slowlycatchymonkey

Umm I don’t really know why I think some fighty men like to measure themselves against other men on that score. They eyeball them thinking could I take him down in a fight and sometimes start posturing. His solid build, the cauliflower ear and missing tooth make him look like a fighter. He’s often been asked if he’s a boxer or does martial arts. He knows people find his looks a bit scary so he gives people a warm smile as soon as he meets them so they won’t be afraid. Sounds awful doesn’t it! To me he doesn’t look scary at all, I don’t understand it but when he was training for Iron man triathlon the sight of him running towards people would make them cross to the other side of the road fast. An ex friend of ours Cyclops suffered the worse type of that sort of thing. He was huge and I mean HUGE a proper beefcake. He only ever wanted to be a marine, he loved guns and all things macho so when he actually became a marine he was made up. But a regular army guy wanted to test his mettle and started pushing Cyclops about. Cyclops responded as you’d expect and put him on his arse with one push. He left the pub and was jumped by six squaddies looking for a bonding experience wanting to “take down a marine” They beat the shit out of him, blinded him in one eye and that was that he could no longer be a marine. He went quite insane after that.

The temperature suddenly soars, dramatically drops and then soars again. The ride is pleasantly uneventful and I’ve now mastered the necessary combo to get bike into neutral while moving by going down into first knocking it up into second (cos it won’t go into neutral straight from there) then a very very gentle tap down and hey presto it’s in neutral, well maybe you might have to do that two or three times! It takes a bit longer to master gauging how long before I need to stop to start this process in order to drift the rest of the way to a petrol pump but I get there in the end! Modo Apartment Hotel is well reviewed and all brand new with secure underground parking. There’s a supermarket next door and I’m really looking forward to cooking something. Theres only so many days I’m happy to go without hot food or cooking something… about one The temperature feels off the scale, clothes are flung off as quickly as possible and bags are unpacked fast so nice hot shower and a trip the the next door supermarket can reveal its goodies. Then the power goes off and the suns going down. Soon we will be sat in the dark, sweaty, unwashed and unable to cook. Emergency number gal is convinced we’re morons who don’t know what a trip switch looks like so we sit there for an eon with messages flying back n forth. Eventually someone turns up who really is clueless about fuse boxes but finally concedes via a video call it’s buggered. Pack everything back up and move to another apartment. An apartment that doesn’t have aircon and is pretty bloody hot. Nevermind, shower, supermarket, steak (mediocre quality) and nice wine. Pasta salad made for tomorrows lunch. I’m happy, alls well. Checking google maps street view didn’t give an accurate representation of how depressed Parla is. Parla isn’t nice. I won’t be stopping there again but I did enjoy having a kitchen and making some decent food. The apartment faced onto a square which was quite lively. Lots of people chatting and children playing. That was nice Apparently this is a double bed!

Oh and no, no punch ups yet

I spent a lot of my younger years ensuring he doesn’t get into a fight so I’m good at recognising the warning signs and manoeuvring him away! Thing is there are some men who like to fight and they eye up other men thinking about a fighting them. It’s some weird animal dominance thing. Mr Slowly doesn’t like violence he thinks it’s grossly uncivilised but he’s just got that look and if fighty men want a fight and they push too much they’ll get one. I have to say whatever it is they see in Mr Slowlys eyes mostly has the desired and effect they almost always back off.

Do you? You haven’t mentioned it

Ok I’ll just stay inebriated til then.

I’m a patient person but also not good at waiting. When might this torture be concluded?

Super feckin wide. Shite for filtering cos they make the bike wider than the bars. But you know Pete what price a decent cup of tea? I couldn’t do Spain without tea!

Oh they were trash. Rich trash. Draped in Gucci with the flashy logos showing. Not a lot of pics Pete. Didn’t stop to take anything scenic. It was just a “Get there before the bikes break” type of thing!

I make us up some lovely sarnies and tea from my food stash and we get packed up. The lift to the vehicle deck is broken and we’re on deck eight. It’s so bloody hot in the vehicle deck and the walk hasn’t helped. Some folk have sweat quite literally pouring down their faces. A very round tubby shaped guy tries to squeeze between my bike and a leather embellishment on his clothing wraps itself around my indicator. He doesn’t look or stop and starts forcefully yanking his kutte, I shout woah woah woah, he ignores me so I grab the offending dangling thing on his kutte and yank him backwards shouting more loudly WOAH. Badass biker or not I’m not having him wrecking my bike. He still doesn’t look back and starts pulling again. Mr Slowly see’s me struggling with the dumbass and clambers in front of him saying mate MATE YOU HAVE TO STOP. He did because cos Mr Slowly is now in his way and I kept my indicator but bloody hell my hands now really hurt from holding onto that bowling ball! I untangle him- no apology, he didn’t even look back. I mutter to myself he’s an ignorant man. I start to fret that if my bike stalls while in gear I won’t be able to move it and I’ll block other people getting off the ferry. So I climb to the people I’d potentially block in and say I’m going to roll my bike back to the side and they should go around because I’ve developed a fault and need to get off last. Well it was only dumbkutte guy wasn’t it. I think he thought I’d come to tell him off. He looked fearful and then relieved. Then offered to help with my bike. Which I politely declined as I’ve had one dumbass mechanic working on it already and could well do without another People are so strange. First stop Mr Slowlys favourite Motel nr Valladolid and he’s determined working speedo or not to lead us there! I generally choose the accommodation based on the bike parking and this garage off your bedroom thing they do in Spain is excellent. Don’t have to fully unload your bike or carry your gear miles and can check your bike over easily out of the sun or rain Next morning we set off for Parla on the edge of Madrid. Again chosen for the parking. It’s warm and partially cloudy so the 25 degrees when riding feels good. A smiley photo before I left Emporio just for @Grasshopper

I want it to be the Busa cos I sat on one at a bike show and it felt like a great. It would be wasted on me, the Bandit and the 9T is plenty and the Livewire is out of this world on the acceleration front but I still want one!

How would that make us look any different to usual?

I dearly love and enjoy the company of my children they make me laugh a lot, other peoples children I only like in very short bursts and definitely don’t want to holiday with or near the demanding little so n so’s. Unfortunately I had children between 6-10 years ahead of my friends and just like then they have no idea where I’m at. If I’m being completely honest I now find them boring and snobby. They still think life’s something you can win at by having the best car, most expensive holidays, fattest salary, biggest house and eating food from an artisan deli. Alright I confess I still like an artisan deli but not cos I’m trying to win an imaginary competition I’ve found myself bothering less with them and more and more with my biker friends who are older women so don’t spend all their time talking about their kids. In fact I still don’t know for sure after 4 years of friendship who does or doesn’t have kids because we spend all our time talking about bikes, where we’re riding next or where we’d like to ride. They are also fairly straight talking no bullshit sorts so your not left guessing what they really think or want to do. Most refreshing and far more interesting than listening to how little Johnnys doing at school! Viva motociclismo!

That is much nicer!

Is it G&T time yet? If not it must be beer o’clock at least?

I did think Sir Fallsalot would fix this with a filter

I so do know. I’m the one that turned them up to burningly hot

The idea was to get the bikes to Spain quickly so we’d have time to get our stuff back from storage and the place set up ready before having to get back to work. Unfortunately Mr Slowlys shoulder wasn’t up to long rides so it was to be a straight down the country with 3 stop overs to minimise time on the bike. We left on Sunday morning, the weather was pretty good. Loaded up the Himalayan transfoming it into the something mess Pedro loved. Stopped at Exeter for fuel, there were bikers everywhere. Arrived at the ferry port disgruntled that in-spite of the service and MOT the clutch was very unhappy. It would not come out of 1st when stationary at all and it just didn’t feel right. Wait looking at the ferry entrance for what seems like an eternity and no Mr Slowly. Start to fear somethings happened to him and decided to use stalk my family to check his whereabouts, I see he’s not too far away and finally he arrives saying he thinks his speedos broken because he hasn’t seen me since we got on the motorway. Not the journeys start I was after. Board the ferry with so many other bikers it’s unbelievably packed, they parked us so tightly together wheels were overlapped and you had to climb over bikes to get out. No-one is impressed and I was glad it’s a couple of Enfields being clambered over and not something I’m precious about the paintwork on. The grump soon fades when we get to the cabin and see we have room to swing a cat and two nice French waiters posted outside our room. We have surprisingly powerful shower and pop down to the bar for a quick G&T then back to the room to break open the wine I’ve stowed in my voluminous cases. Goodbye grey skies. Hello bar. The next morning the skies of the northern Atlantic are improving and everything is a pleasant blue (although in this pic they look grey). Breakfast is included and although I’m not a breakfast person I’m curious to see if the kitchen produces a good breakfast. It does not. Mr Slowlys is full English is so cold it cannot be eaten and has to go back. I ask if they have a menu with gluten free marked up to be told no sorry in that way that lets you know they are very far from sorry. They can make me some gluten free toast (in the same grill they make the normal toast in) so I say no thanks. Mr Slowly intervened and says you have eggs, beans, tomatoes and bacon on here. They’re all gluten free surely. Yes they are he replies but the sausages aren’t. They then deliver my breakfast with the gluteny sausages and get the hump when I say the sausages have gluten in them. New barely warm just about passable (apart from the cold mushrooms) breakfast is delivered. I heard two other people ask if they had a gluten free menu and get the same treatment. I don’t expect to be catered for so I carry a lot of food with me but I am surprised on a boat that size with the number of people they feed to not bother. Usually this attitude comes from the chef who thinks he/she is some sort of creative genius and the public fuss making plebs who don’t understand. It’s an indication you’re in a place where it’s not safe to eat. Anyhow the ambience was then further enhanced by a lairy man and his screaming coughing snotty kids. We’d bumped into them when we were going to the lift. He eyeballed Mr Slowly like he wanted a fight. Fortunately he didn’t catch Mr Slowly’s eye as he was busy examining the ferry map. We sat far away from them. An old couple asked to be reseated to get away from the noise. The waiter wanted to know why so lairy man heard and got very pissy, old guy said no offence but your kids are coughing and spluttering, I don’t want it and I can’t hear my wife, as they wandered away he said fuck off then you stupid old cunt. Well fair play to the old man he walked back and told him no to be so rude. Which if you saw the size of the lairy one who now had violence in his eyes you would have congratulated him on his bravery. Lairy guy said he was fucking sick of people telling him about his kids and this was the eighth time on this trip at which point the guy at the next table joined in and said stop being so unpleasant and if this was the eighth time then do something about your kids. This duo somehow deflated lairy and it was all resolved before Mr Slowly retuned from the loo which I was very grateful about cos that’s just the sort of thing that would wind him up and I don’t think it would have been pretty!

I think they might be being a bit optimistic on the 1st Nov. Mahindra were not happy with the quality of some of the manufactured parts and don’t want to release shoddy bikes so it’s all delayed. Fair enough, Royal Enfield damaged their reputation by doing just that. BSA are refusing to state a date and each month say it’s sometime next month. Hope it is the 1st though!

Great pics. Loved the monochrome. Made a nice change. You’re have to do some homework on that smile though

Let’s hear your pro’s (no not the sort lorry drivers murder) for the other ones you like then. Except the GS I don’t believe that one for a second.

Trained in grumbling from birth. It’s a tough job but someone’s go to do it.

The bit about the shallow end of the gene pool doesn’t

On the way here yesterday Mr Slowly was overtaking a lorry and a white merc flew up behind him at lightning speed and sat about an inch off his rear wheel flashing his lights to get out of the way. He was mid way alongside the lorry so I don’t know where the prat thought he could go. Mr Slowly considered slowing down to annoy him but decided it would be better to stay alive and before he’d even got back across the white line the Merc pushed up the inside inches from him. I saw all of this in my mirrors, it made my blood boil so gave the appropriate hand gestures as he passed then noticed his tiny red n white almost impossible to read number plate. Apparently Diplomats are so exempt from behaving decently they have different coloured plates so no-one can stop them.

I’m hoping you do or is it a lucky dip?