Jump to content

Jokes, your best your worse and all the rubbish on the internet between


Slowlycatchymonkey

Recommended Posts

A guy called Simon went on Stars in your Eyes. Mathew Kelly noticed he had a funny walk.

"You ok, Simon, I noticed your legs are a bit shaky?"

"Fine, thanks for asking, Mathew," he replied. "It's just that I had a serious accident which resulted in having to have my legs amputated."

"I'm really sorry to hear that, mate." Mathew said.

"It"s not so bad really," Simon told him, " In fact I'm very fortunate because my uncle was fatally wounded in the same accident but the doctors managed to save his legs and transplanted them onto by body."

"What a sorry and uplifting story." Mathew replied. " Anyway, who are you going to be tonight?"

"Tonight, Mathew, I'm going to be Simon and Half-uncle."

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his f—king widow."

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Privacy Policy