Renegade

Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect: The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'. Jake thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result Jake planned a romantic evening with his wife Mary and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers. Mary was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said. "That was incredible. Can you do that again?" With tears in his eyes he replied. "I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse."

EMPLOYEE NOTICE Due to the current financial situation caused by the fuel crisis and the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to the Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Who's the Whore ?

Ian and his mates

Wow that's a big gun a .177 calibre. Lucky it wasn't a .22 Air pistol

Traveling salesman short on money calls in at the cheapest hotel he can find How much for a night he inquired at reception £40 replied the receptionist, and that includes breakfast in bed I’ll take it says the salesman and books at 8 o’clock breakfast Bang on 8 o’clock the following morning there’s a knock on the door and a waitress dressed in shortest skimpy uniform you could ever imagine enters the room She put his breakfast tray down on the bedside cabinet Whips back his sheets and give him the most amazing blow job he’s ever had Later, when the salesman was checking out, he mentioned to reception and that was the best breakfast Service he’d ever had and asked if that was that the way that all guests were treated Yes, reply to receptionist The AA only gave us a two star review and informed us to gain another star we would need to make improvements That’s why all rooms now have a goblin teasmade

Garda pulls over Paddy for speeding "have you been drinking Sir?" Paddy replies "yes officer i've had about 18 pints, 2 bottles of hooch and 6 bacardi and cokes." Garda says "what the hell are you doing driving ??" Paddy replies "I couldn'tfeckin walk''