Renegade

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job, I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing." The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes." "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive. The guy, wide-eyed, said,"You're bullshittin' me???" The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it.

Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. “Tarzan not know what is sex” he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said ….“Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.” Stunned by his response, Jane said: “Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don’t shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly.” She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. “Here” she said, pointing to her privates,“you must put it in here.” Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: “What the bloody hell did you do that for? “Check for squirrel.” he responds

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt" Now you can handle the situation. Jack was the only son of Awe Schitt and Owe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married Owe Schitt, the proprietor of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple had six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents will, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock and, because her children were still living with them she kept her previous name. She was then known as NoeSchitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The local newspapers duly announced the Schitt-Happens weddings. The Schitt-Happens children were named Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new wife, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says,"You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them because you know his whole family and life story!

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £200.' After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2pm next Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2pm sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £200, they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Les came home from golf at 6pm and upon arriving, asked his wife, 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?' With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband further enquired, 'and did he give you £200?' Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £200. Les, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed £200 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.' Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

I've still got this one as well my Suzuki SFV650 Gladius

My Kawasaki ZR7s that I brought home today.

My Suzuki SFV 650 Gladius A day out to check out all the so called wild fires.

1 year ago today 18th August 2025 Dell pasted away from cancer. RIP Dell always will be remembered.

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?” “Good question ,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?” “Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster.” “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?” “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”