Renegade

THE IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?' The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.' 'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.' 'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.' 'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.' 'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

Happy birthday both of you.

This is Bobs gang @boboneleg

Ring my bell Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy, big breasted model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his willy, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off. It clattered across the garden and came to rest in the rose bushes. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled over to retrieve the bell, and while bending over to pick it up, all the other bells started to ring.

In a small village just outside Dublin, Big Paddy, the not-so-bright farmer’s boy, wanted to earn a bit of extra cash over the summer. So he decided to offer his services around the village as a “handy man.” He knocked on the door of a fancy house and asked the owner, “Any odd jobs needin’ doin’?” The man thought for a moment and said, “Well, I could use someone to paint the porch. How much would you charge?” Paddy beamed. “How about £50?” “Deal!” said the man. “The white gloss paint and brushes are in the garage.” His wife, overhearing from the kitchen, whispered, “That's a lot of work - does he realize the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man shrugged. “Let’s not judge - it might teach the eejit a lesson.” A few hours later, Paddy knocked on the door again. “All done!” he said proudly. “And I even had enough paint left for two coats!” The man, impressed, handed him £50 and threw in a £10 tip. “Thanks very much!” said Paddy. “Oh - and by the way, it’s not a Porch... it’s a Mercedes.”

Here ya go Terry @Cupid Stunt

OOOOOH you've got these exploding from your skin.