Renegade

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?” “Good question ,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?” “Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster.” “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?” “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought... Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?' He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.... .' 'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.' He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.' He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.

Portugal Portugal has the highest mountains in Europe, with the Serra da Estrela being the highest peak at 1,993 meters. In contrast, Wales does not have any mountains that reach the same height as Portugal's highest mountain. Therefore, Portugal's mountains are significantly taller than those in Wales.

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards . The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards . The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father . ." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many . The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!" The priest, getting impatient, said . "I am the Father of hundreds", and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.' The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgetting the answer. Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, heart and penis." Come the game show she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, "For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds." "Um... the head." "Good. Eight seconds." "Um... the heart." "That's right. Five seconds." "Oh... um... damn. My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..." "That's close enough! You've won $100,000!"

'A man went to confession Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.' The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.' Soon thereafter, another man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.' This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?' 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied. 'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's. At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?' The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'.