Renegade

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian! Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then." Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his feckin' widow"

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials . The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office. FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for £50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him £50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian .. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke!

A Chap went to visit his old mum an dad, When he got there his dear old dad was sitting in his rocking chair on the porch with no trouser's or pants on, the chap said Dad why are you sitting out here like that, and the father said it's your ruddy mother's idea because i sat out here yesterday with no shirt on and last night i had one hell of a stiff neck so she said i'd better sit like this today.

Welcome back.

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A young couple were walking down Lovers Lane, When suddenly she said Darling I NEED A WEE and the chap said go behind that hedge, which she did, He couldn't resist it he put his hand through the hedge for a little grope, When he felt something long and warm hanging there and he said BABE have you changed your sex, and the girl said I've changed my mind you silly boy I'm having a shit.

Your still a boy

TRAGIC NEWS ******** The Police have Announced to day that the Man Who Fell off a roof of a Three Storey Night Club WAS NOT A BOUNCER

A teacher said I'm going to ask you a question and i want adult answer's because you are getting grown up now, the teacher said Mary what did you do at the weekend? the little girl said we went for a ride on a choo choo train and the teacher said no, i went for a ride on a train, teacher said JEAN you tell us an adult answer where did you go Sunday? Jean said went out for din din's and teacher said no you went out for lunch, so the teacher looked around the class and she spot's Billy in the corner so teacher say's Billy stand up and tell us in adult language what you did and remember all the girl's got it wrong, so teacher said what did you do Billy he said read a book and the teacher said what was the book called, Billy replies WINNIE THE SHIT miss

The Bwlch

We were up there Thursday, they flew so low that I thought they wanted a race.

Stop pulling his leg will you !

Yeah will do. How about the Elan Valley ?

Great to see you @Cupid Stunt

A memory Lyn @KAYZ1

It was a great time Lyn when we travelled down to the south of France, Wales is stuffed with all this crap trying to keep us under their thumb.

It's definately a Peach

Dragons to be reintroduced to Wales after an absence of more than 1000 years , local conservation groups say they are pleased by the move that will put a large predator back in the food chain .... There has been concern shown by the farming community due to the risk of predation to livestock but the Welsh assembly say they are willing to pay compensation to farmers who can prove loss; the other danger with the dragons’ eating habits of taking virgins is not thought to be a problem as they became extinct in Wales many years ago anyway......

Just for the boys

Wow ! I've only got 2.

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." Edna always replied, "I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks." One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, "Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks." The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars." Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!" Buddy replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"