Jokes, your best your worse and all the rubbish on the internet between

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[KAYZ1]

took me a second or 2:::

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[boboneleg]

[boboneleg]

[Renegade]

I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:

"Hello sir, how are you today?"

"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"

"Sir, my name is Ahmed and I'm calling you from Microsoft".

"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"

" No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"

"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"

"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"

"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".

"You don't?"

"I don't".

"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"

"Don't have one".

"Ipad?"

"Nope".

"Tablet?"

"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".

After a few seconds of silence he said "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"

I said "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.

[Renegade]

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now completely nude, she purred at him,

"What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me!!.

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

Daughters vibrator.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.

When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.

In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."

[Buckster]

@Renegade has recently joined an age appropriate dating service, it's called "Carbon Dating".

[Renegade]

This girl is a keeper!!!!

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to

dance in the rain...

[Marcel]

Rich was spotted at the beach...

 

[Marcel]

https://www.facebook.com/share/1HZpvzN3JD/

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

[Renegade]

A Dog named Sex

Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs.

That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot.

But, have you heard the plight of the bloke who thought he'd be cute and named his dog Sex?

It goes like this:

"One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this alley at midnight? I told him I was looking for Sex.

My case comes up next Tuesday."

"But, that ain't the worst part. One day, I went to the town hall to get a dog license for Sex.

The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex.

He said, 'I'd like to have one, too.'

Then, I said, 'You don't understand. She's a dog.'

He said he didn't care how she looked.

When I told him I'd had Sex since I was 5, he said, “You must have been an early bloomer."

"When I decided to get married, I told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me I'd have to wait until after the wedding. When I protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life revolved around Sex, he said he didn't want to hear about my personal life."

"After my wife and I were married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the hotel, I told the clerk I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for Sex.

She said. 'Every room in the hotel was for sex.'

I said, 'You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.'

The clerk said, 'Me, too.' "

"When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned and said, “ Me. too."

"Now that I've been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever imagined, I'm in counseling. My psychiatrist asked me what my problem was. I said 'Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and I'm so lonely,' I told him.

He said, “Look, you and I both know that sex isn't a man's best friend. Get yourself a dog."