Renegade

A motorcyclist was driving along a highway when suddenly a sparrow hit his helmet when trying to fly across. The motorcyclist struggled to control his motorcycle and almost crashed, but eventually he managed to stop. Nearby he noticed the sparrow that looked dead but after an examination it turned out he was still alive although unconscious. The motorcyclist took pity and he took the sparrow with him to his home. He put him into a cage, he gave him some bread and water and left. After a while the sparrow wakes up: he sees the bars, he sees bread and water and thinks: Oh shit, I killed the motorcyclist!

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly, so the police needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy." The mortician thought that was rather strange, and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "here comes Paddy with them two arseholes" You've just got to love the Irish

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said "I am a dominator!!" Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My God what had I done! She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!!" Well readers, I can tell no more; Of what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey!!