Renegade

LOL for Today : Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "My parents told me a story about morals." The teacher replied, "Alright then, go ahead." Little Johnny said, "So there was a little bird flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit right on top of him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow shit, he began to realize how warm he was. The shit was actually thawing him out and felt great. He laid there all warm and happy and then soon began to sing for joy. Just then a passing cat heard the bird singing and came over to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow shit and promptly dug him out and ate him alive." Stunned, the teacher asked, "Dear God, what was the moral of that story?" Little Johnny said, "Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. And most importantly, when you’re in deep shit it’s best to keep your mouth shut."

I've just been pulled over by a Police Officer. He saw my licence and said I'm supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts. He said he didn't care who I knew.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!' THERE'S MORE.... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. 'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding.

Happy birthday old mate